Thoughts at 02.32 after one month in Elsewhere.
I dreamed of a mothership. I am on another planet and can try to learn and master something that I couldn't do before, but in my imagination, only a certain material came out, green, which my mothership should be made of. (The green and the material is the material my kitchen was built from, in the apartment my mother had rented and into which I moved after she died. It was renovated at great expense, then I moved out again quite quickly without taking the valuable things with me). This kitchen material was my mothership.
Woke up.
02.32 Write down the following:
That fits so well with Elsewhere. A planet I've never been to before. And it's not about being able to do something I've never been able to do before, it's about building my mothership from my (neglected) memories. The home where I come from, and going far back in my imagination. That is also rF. After all, the Furies are the (true) protectors of mothers (unlike many men who call themselves protectors and mean oppressors). Maybe that's what it is: the resurgent protection of the mother. Being a good mother to yourself.
Developing yourself
Being a project
Not an “I am” but an “I become.”
To step out of the supposed relationships -I am a child of somebody , I am a mother, I am a spouce- to have a purpose because you are something to someone else (see also beauty and later wisdom as an achievement).
To be a project for oneself, autonomous, to become a subject
(S. Beauvoir).
I dreamed last night that I was my mother ship -
I become.
Finding an aesthetic of becoming, not of being. Living to the last drop - becoming. I become. Being in the process. I am is like a pause in the - I become - I am as an anchor point where I can rest for a short while.
rF is a sensual-material field of experimentation of freedom.
rF does not produce healing (no self-care) but self-aging as a form of knowledge.
The aesthetics focus on emergences (that which grows without self-control) and the glitch (Legacy Russell), the unpredictable.
